Let's Get Dirty Shall We? -- Ch. 2

Redshirt, ironically has to wear a white shirt underneath everything he wears. It began as a toddler when he showed great discomfort and proceeded to spazz out whenever the tags in his clothing rubbed against him. http://bipolar.about.com/cs/kids_diag/a/red_flags4.htm

Oftentimes Redshirt prances and pings around the house with his white shirt only. Only his white shirts are all stained shirts.

Redshirt appears to possess an uncanny ability to streak the food he's eaten and subsequently caked onto the corners of his mouth, from the edge of his shoulder downward and across to the inner edge of his shirt collar. The result is an iconic upside down dirty rainbow--the Redshirt Whiteshirt Logo.

The sweep happens fast! The untrained technician will miss the move if she dares bat a lash. Be ready with the napkin and prepare for the attack!

Arrrghhh. Defeat.

The once faded stain is now reinforced and Redshirt in blissful oblivion continues to dine. It is has been surmised that the swift motion is exacted with such agility due to the Redshirt Dining Stance; whereby he pounces left to right, toe to toe, never sitting. This mobility allows him to react quickly and strike without notice. He is especially talented with ketchup, gravy, and chocolate ice cream.

His food streaks are so exact, so precise, that one would think the shirts were purchased this way...
http://www.hanes.com/

Hanes Gravy Stained Shirts- 3pack- $8
Hanes Ketchup Stained Shirts- 3pack- $8
Hanes Chocolate Stained Shirts- 3pack-$10 (higher cost due to special dye meant to withstand fading)

Vintage clothing shoppers, if you come across a T-shirt in your store with the infamous Redshirt Whiteshirt Logo, please pay homage to the fallen mother and the victorious son.